Lewbangers

Lewbangers 10 Lost Galacticos 3

2006-09-21T07:37:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers came out of a game played in darkness with an emphatic 10-3 victory last night. Bottom team Lost Galacticos clearly hadn't eaten as many carrots before the game that was not played under floodlights due to protests from local residents.

The lack of light made it hard for anyone to see what was happening, but after discussion between team members, here is a rundown of the goals, we think:

Braggbanger scored with a low deflected drive from the left after a kick-in by Woolbanger.
Martinbanger struck after a quick free kick by Woolbanger.
Braggbanger fired to the left-hand post with a first time strike after being played in neatly by Martinbanger from the right side.
Martinbanger pounced at the the far post after a Dombanger shot which was just going wide.
Martinbanger finished after being played down the right side by Woolbanger.
Braggbanger beared down on goal after a defensive error to slot under the keeper.
Bloombanger struck from 70 yards after a quick corner by Braggbanger.
Woolbanger scored after a one-two with Martinbanger.
Longbanger set Martinbanger up to strike.
Martinbanger pounced on poor defending to finish.

Other notable happenings include:

Woolbanger Sr. missing out after pulling a thigh in training the previous night.
Thombanger being left out for not turning up in official club gear.
Longbanger's expenses doubling after being charged £4 for a lift to the game.
Braggbanger keeping a clean sheet despite an onslaught on his goal in the final quarter of the game. Rumours he was just stood talking to Woolbanger Sr. and Thombanger are wide of the mark.

Squad: Bloombanger, Longbanger, Dombanger, Braggbanger, Woolbanger, Martinbanger.

Goalscorers: Martinbanger (5), Braggbanger (3), Bloombanger, Woolbanger.

Lewbangers 10 Lost Galacticos 3

2006-09-20T12:46:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers got the second half of their campaign off to a flyer with a crushing 10-3 win over bottom club Lost Galacticos.

There is still some debate over the scoreline, scorers and assisters, so a full report will hopefully follow tomorrow.

The statistics and results pages will also be updated fully as soon as confirmation of the above is in.

Cup Round-Up

2006-09-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers have been knocked out in the group stages of the cup.

After the 3-0 loss in the first game against W.R.A. FC, the six-pointer between Lewbangers and MCD United never took place due to a mix-up regarding kick off time. The third game saw Lewbangers draft Martinbanger and Jonnobanger in as they looked to keep their cup dream alive.

Unfortunately, they could only manage a 5-4 loss against top division side, Fruit Bats. Jonnobanger and Martinbanger each claimed two goals, with Longbanger getting two assists. The other two assists are still up for grabs.

6/9/2006 vs MCD United - Lewbangers Team News

2006-09-05T19:10:00.000-07:00

Though the Lewbangers squad remains the same as last week, a question mark hangs over player/boss Woolbanger's participation. A foot injury looks likely to mean he will appear as goalkeeper. If so, Keithbanger will start his first match in defence.

Skipper, Dombanger again misses out as he continues his vacation in Thailand.

Lewbangers 0 W.R.A. FC 3 (Cup Game 1)

2006-09-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers crashed to a 3-0 defeat in the first group game of the cup. The less said about it the better, mainly as the reporter can't remember what happened.

Two group matches remain, starting with MCD United tomorrow evening. Only a win gives Lewbangers a chance of progressing to the knockout stages.

Kick Off Time Change

2006-08-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers fans should take note that the cup clash with W.R.A. FC kicks off at 6:30pm tomorrow evening, and not 8:20pm as previously stated.

Tickets are priced at a reasonable no pounds, and spectators can expect to see Woolbanger Sr. take his place back in the squad after a one week absence.

Lewbangers 3 W.R.A. FC 4

2006-08-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers lost to league leaders W.R.A. FC despite holding a 3-1 advantage with less than 10 minutes to go. Woolbanger bagged a hat-trick to get back on the goal trail in style, but unfortunately this wasn't enough to stave off defeat.

Both teams had nice passages of play during the opening ten minutes, but neither side could open the scoring. Lewbangers best chance was curled just wide by Braggbanger after he had been involved in neat interplay with Woolbanger and Longbanger.

The deadlock was broken on 12 minutes when Thombanger made a surging run from the back before switching play to Woolbanger on the left, who promptly finished to the right corner.

It was not long before Woolbanger grabbed his second. Keithbanger played a direct ball from goal towards him and when little seemed on other than for Woolbanger to win a throw-in at best, he sharply cut inside and aimed a shot at goal which the W.R.A keeper couldn't keep out.

With a 2-0 lead at half time and Thombanger and Bloombanger defending stoutly, no changes seemed necessary. Lewbangers were this week on the receiving end of a goal straight after the interval, after scoring one themselves last week. At 2-1, things looked more precarious.

Five minutes later though, it did appear that Lewbangers had sewn the game up when Longbanger marvellously found Woolbanger, who again dispatched with confidence.

With the security of a two-goal lead and less than ten minutes to go, Lewbangers mysteriously stopped doing everything they had been doing well for the 25 minutes previous. Possession was surrended needlessly on countless occasions and their marking went haywire. The result was three sloppy goals being conceded and Lewbangers snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

As always positives and negatives could be taken from the performance. Woolbanger's finishing was clinical and will hopefully lead to him going on a scoring spree that will gain him the inaugural Lewbangers Golden Boot award. Thombanger and Bloombanger's defensive performance in the first half was excellent. Both players stayed in position and stood up strong to the pressure that came their way. Longbanger gave his best performance of the season so far and won the ball before W.R.A. FC could get into the final third on numerous occasions.

The major criticism is of course the surrender of a two goal advantage. Possession was all that was needed, but at times the ball retention was woeful. The marking also became haphazard, but rather than this being down to a lack of willing, it was more to do with little communication in defensive areas.

W.R.A. FC are again the opponents next week, so we shall see if Lewbangers take the positives on and eradicate their errors. We shall see, Lewbangers fans, we shall see.

Squad: Keithbanger; Bloombanger, Thombanger; Braggbanger, Longbanger; Woolbanger.

Goalscorers: Woolbanger (3)

Thombanger May Face Disciplinary Panel

2006-08-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers midfielder, Thombanger may have to face a Champion Soccer disciplinary panel after he lost one of their footballs during the 'Bangers' midweek clash with MCD United.

Thombanger fired a shot way over the crossbar during the second half of Wednesday's match. The perimeter fencing could not stop the ball either, and so it went missing. MCD United were not happy as flat balls had to be used for the remainder of the game.

Whilst it is unlikely that any inquiry will bring about punishment for Thombanger, it could lead to the reintroduction of the 'no above head height' rule, which was tested for rounds 3 and 4 of the season.

Lewbangers 3 MCD United 2

2006-08-17T16:28:00.000-07:00

It was a classic game of two halves as Lewbangers got back to winning ways after a blip last week. The 'Bangers bounced back from a two goal deficit to take the three points with 3-2 victory, sealed with a late Woolbanger Sr. strike.

Lewbangers failed to get going at all in the first half and soon paid for their decision to not bother with a defence, and deservedly went 1-0 down within 5 minutes. Lewbangers were lucky to be only 2-0 down at half time such was the lethargy of their performance. MCD United scored their second shortly before half time, when a midfielder broke free and managed to scoop the ball over the oncoming Keithbanger into the net.

Some members of the biggest crowd of the season did think Lewbangers had made it 1-1 midway through the first half when Woolbanger went through, curled to the ball round the keeper, only to see it come back off the inside of the post.

Half time saw the weekly arrival of Woolbanger Sr. With him he brought his ideas for how the game could be won in the second half. Keithbanger came out of the goal and shored up the defence, whilst Woolbanger moved in between the sticks, allowing his father to lead the line.

It wasn't long before the changes paid dividends. Within a minute of the second half, Keithbanger had passed to Braggbanger on the halfway line, allowing to break past a couple of players and curl past the keeper to the right hand post. 2-1 and game back on.

Lewbangers had managed to take charge of possession, and were in the ascendancy without creating many clear-cut chances. This is where it pays to have clinical finishers like Thombanger. Bloombanger had crossed in from the right and when Woolbanger Sr. left it for him to strike, Thombanger finished to the near post.

Longbanger came back into the action, and between him and Keithbanger it seemed probable that MCD United wouldn't break through to take victory. Woolbanger was forced into one excellent save though.

With the game seemingly heading for a draw, and a decent draw at that considering the first half display, Woolbanger Sr. popped up to get his fourth of the season when he got on the end of a Bloombanger pass across goal, after Longbanger had helped open up play with an off-the-ball run.

Lewbangers now find themselves firmly placed in the top half of the table and though many lessons will have to be learned from this week, it bodes well for the remainder of the season. Lewbangers will be hoping it is true that it is a sign of the greats, when a team wins without excelling.

Squad: Keithbanger; Thombanger, Bloombanger; Longbanger, Braggbanger; Woolbanger; Woolbanger Sr.

Goalscorers: Braggbanger, Thombanger, Woolbanger Sr.

16/8/2006 vs MCD United - Lewbangers Team News

2006-08-16T06:08:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers go into round six of the season without defender, Dombanger. The skipper will be missing for 5 weeks as he has gone to live in Thailand.

The rest of the squad will be the same as last week. The key question for manager Woolbanger is who to put in defence as replacement for Dombanger.

Braggbanger Remains Upbeat After Defeat

2006-08-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers midfielder, Braggbanger declared himself disappointed with the loss to Six Intelligent Handsome Teenagers tonight, but refused to be downbeat.

"Of course it's a disappointment to lose, particularly after the impressive start we've made.

No-one wants to lose games, but all you can do is try your best. I'm sure everyone did that tonight. We made a few elementary errors, but you can go over games 'til your blue in the face and you can't change what happened. What we can do though, is learn from them, and make sure we don't do the same thing twice."

Braggbanger thought they were creative in attack and when asked if he fancied their chances next week against MCD United, he just smiled and said, "Well I'd be confident against Barcelona, because you have to be otherwise you may as well stay at home and watch Deirdre Barlow's obscure neck on Coronation Street. But, yes I do believe we will beat MCD United.

We are a good team. One bad result won't change that."

Lewbangers 3 Six Hansom I.Ts 4

2006-08-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers fell to their second defeat of the season tonight in their clash with Six Handsome Intelligent Teenagers. Lewbangers paid for some sloppy defending in an open game that could have gone either way.

The Teenagers started the brighter of the two sides, with Lewbangers looking somewhat lethargic in their passing early on. It didn't take long for The Handsome Ones to take advantage, and were 1-0 up inside 5 minutes.

Lewbangers heeded this wake-up call and crisper passing saw them create a few openings, the best of which fell to Bloombanger who just steered wide after being found having made a darting run to the near post. Soon after, Woolbanger, the pre-season favourite for the golden boot, netted his first goal of the season. Dombanger had laid off on the right wing for Braggbanger to strike to the far post. The keeper could only parry, and Woolbanger steered in from a difficult angle.

Lewbangers, unfortunately then took their foot off the gas again, and when their left winger broke past two 'Bangers defenders down the flank, he only had to square for their striker to slot home an easy finish.

With two subs, Lewbangers made early changes before half time. Woolbanger Sr. and Thombanger were introduced and within moments, Woolbanger had found his father from a corner and he steered home. All square at half time.

Lessons appeared to have been learned in the intial stages of the second half. Strong tackles were coming in from everyone as they hunted a third consecutive victory. Thombanger and Bloombanger were particularly pointed in their tackling.

With the game deadlocked at two-a-piece, Lewbangers threw Braggbanger and Longbanger back into the action. Longbanger, ever-eager to get on the ball was driving Lewbangers out of defence. Muchos neat interchanging passing was going on in the attacking half of the field. Woolbanger Sr. was linking play beautifully between Braggbanger on the right and Thombanger on the left.

With Dombanger and Keithbanger putting their bodies on the line as ever at the back, it seemed only a matter of time before an opening was carved for Lewbangers to take the lead for the first time in the game. However, 10 minutes into the half, disaster struck. A defensive mix-up left their striker to pass into an empty net.

Thankfully, not long after the goal of the game was scored. Dombanger pounding out of defence, managed to volley a ball to the left to the waiting Braggbanger. He played a quick one-two with Woolbanger Sr. to get into the box. The same trick between the two worked again around the keeper, leaving Braggbanger with the simplest of tasks, when finishing into the gaping goal.

The stage was set for someone to become a hero in the final minutes. Unfortunately, that player was to be a Teenagers man, when he finished to make it 4-3. Lewbangers didn't stop hunting the equaliser. Woolbanger went on a driving run through virtually everyone, Longbanger made several runs into the heart of their defence, and Thombanger had a chance to finish. Unfortunately, none created the goal craved and Lewbangers went home empty-handed.

An entertaining game saw Lewbangers fall to defeat, but they shouldn't be disheartened. The Teenagers played well on the day, and either side could have nicked the points. It was only basic errors that stopped it being Lewbangers who were victorious. They now have to show they are men, warriors if you will, and dust themselves down and rise again.

Squad: Keithbanger; Longbanger, Dombanger; Braggbanger, Bloombanger; Woolbanger; Thombanger, Woolbanger Sr.

Goalscorers: Woolbanger, Woolbanger Sr., Braggbanger.

Lewbangers 3 Lofthouse Rangers 2

2006-08-02T12:59:00.000-07:00

A late rally by Lofthouse Rangers could not stop Lewbangers recording their third win of the season when they met at Outwood Grange School this evening. Lewbangers always looked likely victors, but if it had not been for the aid of the crossbar in the dying minutes, may have only gained one point as reward for their work.

In unseasonable conditions, neither side could gain a meaningful foothold in the game early doors. Most players even struggled to gain a foothold on the pitch as turning was made difficult on the slippery surface. On top of this, the return of the no-head-height rule meant adaptations to tactics.

It was not until after the tenth minute that the deadlock was broken. Woolbanger, looking strong on his return to the fold, having been neatly played in by Longbanger, went on a powerful run down the right channel and squared for Bloombanger to finish with aplomb.

Lewbangers grew in confidence for the remainder of the half, and shortly after Bloombanger was again involved when he set up centre-back Dombanger for his third goal of the season, when his strike crept under the keeper and across the line.

Half time came, and with it positional changes. A five minute spell of uncertainty at the back allowed Lofthouse to get one back, and sense they had a chance.

They had not accounted for super-sub Woolbanger Sr. though. The wily old fox broke clear not long after the Rangers goal, and rather than going for glory when one-on-one with the keeper, unselfishly set up Boombanger to claim his second of the match.

Though Lewbangers sat a bit deep for the remainder of the game, they always looked in control until the last five minutes, when Rangers went all out to claw the deficit back. Keithbanger had been sweeping up everything in his path throughout the second half and even when, two minutes from time, their striker went through one-on-one with him, he lashed against the bar. Their second came with seconds remaining, and Lewbangers had the points in the bag.

Just so the journalist can get his own name in the report, it has to be said that a glorious 70, maybe 80 yard pass, from right back to left wing, by Braggbanger to Bloombanger was a delight to watch. He strolled about for the rest of the game thinking about it.

Squad: Keithbanger; Dombanger, Longbanger; Braggbanger, Bloombanger; Woolbanger; Woolbanger Sr.

Goalscorers: Bloombanger (2), Dombanger

2/8/2006 vs Lofthouse Rangers - Lewbangers Team News

2006-08-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers hope to just make one change from last week's squad, with Woolbanger returning from holiday in time to take over the player/manager role from Thombanger who is going to the Big Apple for a week to celebrate his first win in football management.

There are some concerns over most of the squad, but nonetheless Lewbangers hope Thombanger, as well as long-term absentees Bobbanger and Peelbanger, are the only players missing.

Dombanger should shake off a stomach injury in time to start. Woolbanger should just be back from the Maldives in time to start. Braggbanger should have bought some new shinpads in time to start, whilst the feuding Bloombanger and Longbanger should have just about resolved their argument in time to take their place.

It is hoped that the evergreen Woolbanger Sr. has informed Keithbanger of the kick-off time as he is needed to perform goalkeeping duties again.

Lewbangers 5 United FC 2

2006-07-26T12:44:00.000-07:00

Thombanger signed off as manager with a well-earned victory over league leaders United FC. Lewbangers turned the tables on last week by launching counter attacks of their own to maximum effect.

The game was open right from the outset, with Lewbangers just edging proceedings early on. Despite this, no real chances were created by either side until Braggbanger opened his account for the season, after a quick free kick by Bloombanger had set him free on four minutes.

A free kick led to the equaliser three minutes later, when a United FC forward managed to squeeze a direct effort through the two-man wall. United FC took the lead for the first and only time two minutes later.

It was not long before Lewbangers were on level terms though when Longbanger slipped Thombanger in 20 yards out, and his early strike nestled past the helpless keeper. Longbanger was quick to turn to this reporter and advise him to make a note of the assist.

Lewbangers made sure they took a 3-2 advantage into half time when just before the whistle, Bloombanger pressured their left back into losing the ball and knocked it down the line for Braggbanger to slam in at the near post.

The second half was to be 'backs-to-the-wall' stuff for Lewbangers with some top rate defending and goalkeeping by Dombanger and Keithbanger. Keithbanger had been drafted into the squad just last night as he agreed to fill the goalkeeping role that makeshift keepers Bloombanger and Thombanger had take on so admirably in recent weeks.

Countless free kicks were given away by Lewbangers at the edge of their own box due to playing the ball over head-height. Goal line clearances, fabulous goalkeeping and strong last-ditch defending meant United FC couldn't add to their two goals though. Dombanger even bled for the cause in ensuring this was the case.

Two of only a handful of breakaways led to Lewbangers extending their lead. First Woolbanger Sr. netted at the near post after being put down the left wing by Braggbanger, before Thombanger scored the goal of the season so far. Thombanger was put down the right flank by a long ball by Braggbanger, and he wasted no time when he fired to the far post from 20 yards, leaving the goalkeeping abusing anyone in his sight.

Stout defending and clinical finishing gave Lewbangers victory, but the addition of Keithbanger has to be noted as another key to them taking the three points.

Squad: Keithbanger; Dombanger, Longbanger; Braggbanger, Thombanger; Bloombanger; Woolbanger Sr.

Goalscorers: Braggbanger (2), Thombanger (2), Woolbanger Sr.

26/7/2006 vs United FC - Lewbangers Team News

2006-07-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers are set to be unchanged from last week's defeat at the hands of Outwood Rangers.

Woolbanger Sr. continues to deputise for Woolbanger, who yesterday reported that his scouting mission in the Maldives is going well.

Peelbanger and Bobbanger are again set to miss out on making their debut. Bobbanger is still missing, whilst Peelbanger is staying in Hull, hopefully to play tennis against females.

Thombanger plays and manages his last match before going to live in New York for a week and will hoping for a big performance from his troops as they aim to stay in touch with the early leaders.

Thombanger Press Conference

2006-07-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers' stand-in manager has finally broken his silence over Wednesday night's performance. He this evening held an impromptu press conference from the club headquarters where he still harboured a mixed reaction to the defeat at the hands of Outwood Rangers.

Thombanger was happy with his troops' usage of the ball.

"We played fairly well last night, and we had most of the possession throughout the match."

"The defence wasn't as strong as the previous week, and the lack of a goalkeeper didn't help matters."

His concerns regarding a lack of a natural goalkeeper echoed Woolbanger Sr's worries straight after the match on Wednesday.

After a match that could quite easily have gone either way though, Thombanger did seem to have one complete overreaction, when he revealed he was considering his position as Assistant Manager.

"If we don't get a result next week, I may have to resign as Assistant Manager and hand the responsibility over to Longbanger or Bloombanger."

Lewbangers' followers are likely to be almost unanimous in their hope that Thombanger doesn't quit his post after they have made a satisfactory start to a season in which many pundits felt they would struggle to compete.

Lewbangers 3 Outwood Rangers 4

2006-07-19T16:19:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers paid for a few moments of gung-ho attacking as they stumbled to a 4-3 defeat at the hands of Outwood Rangers in Game Week 2.

Lewbangers dominated possession for the entire duration of the first half, with only two counter attacks from Outwood Rangers, both of which resulted in goals.

Lewbangers adapted better to the new 'no above head height' rule and stroked the ball about nicely leading to several excellent early chances. Braggbanger was denied twice early on. His first effort being saved with the 'keeper diving low to his right-hand post to keep out his long range effort.

Despite the 'Bangers' domination of possession, Outwood Rangers struck first with a counter attack that left their striker one-on-one with first-half goalkeeper Bloombanger, and he finished nicely to the far post. It was Groundhog Day a few minutes later, when Rangers' second attack ended in the same result.

Lewbangers continued to attack though, and got their reward for some neat play when veteran Woolbanger Sr. struck just before half time to make it 2-1 to Outwood. Thombanger had set the goal up when he went on a strong run at the Rangers backline before slipping Woolbanger Sr. in to finish nicely.

The second half saw Outwood Rangers come into the game more, and they added a third not long after half time. Lewbangers bounced back though soon after. Woolbanger Sr. spotted Bloombanger's run up the left wing and played a searching 25 yard pass up the line to him. Bloombanger had his first effort blocked, but the spin left him with the task of controlling the ball, under pressure from behind, into the empty net.

With the score at 3-2 with 10 minutes to go, and either side looking capable of scoring, a thrilling end was in prospect. The fans weren't disappointed. With 7 minutes to go, Rangers did manage to make it 4-2, but this wasn't the end of the battle. A brilliantly timed Longbanger tackle stopped their pacy striker getting in to make it 5-2 before Bloombanger netted his second with a curling finish after being put in by Braggbanger with just over 2 minutes to go.

Lewbangers, rallied by skipper Dombanger, who had again been a model of consistency throughout, pushed for a late equaliser and, with injury time looming, they got a free kick 10 yards from goal after one of their defenders skied the ball with a clearance. Unfortunately, the equaliser wasn't to be though and the final whistle went meaning a first defeat of the season for Lewbangers.

There was much to build on for Lewbangers though. They again showed decent composure on the ball and passed it about neatly at times. They need to get back to Game Week 1's performance though in terms of their defending. Too often this week, players were getting caught out of postition high up the pitch when not in possession. Lewbangers will bounce back though and will hope this is one of only a few defeats this season.

Squad: Bloombanger; Dombanger, Longbanger; Braggbanger, Thombanger; Woolbanger Sr.

Goalscorers: Woolbanger Sr., Bloombanger (2)

Braggbanger In Shinpads Crisis

2006-07-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers' preparations for their league clash with Outwood Rangers tomorrow evening have been dealt a blow with the news that midfielder Braggbanger has left his shinpads at College Grove, Wakefield after playing there tonight.

Braggbanger is not panicking though. "I will just borrow my brother's," he told the official website.

Despite Braggbanger's refusal to worry about not having any shinpads to play in, it is sure to be an annoyance to stand-in boss Thombanger who would at least have been hoping to get six players together who had their own kit, shinpads and trainers.

This episode is unlikely to affect Lewbangers though really, and they will hope to get a second win of the season tomorrow as they entertain Outwood Rangers. The scheduled kick off time is 7:40pm. Be there or be ashamed.

19/7/42006 vs Outwood Rangers - Lewbangers Team News

2006-07-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

Player-Manager Woolbanger has given himself a holiday, so Thombanger takes over the reigns for two games.

Peelbanger is again staying in Hull in search of celebrities for Tino to meet, whilst goalkeeper Bobbanger is still AWOL, so it is doubtful he will feature.

Thombanger is likely to name an unchanged side, aside from Woolbanger who is likely to be replaced by Woolbanger Sr. The main quandry for Thombanger is who to play as striker in the absence of target man Woolbanger. Bloombanger and Woolbanger Sr. are likely to be the main candidates.

Lewbangers In Sharp Average Age Increase

2006-07-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

The average age of the Lewbangers squad for their opening game of the season vs. Lost Galacticos was 26.3. Considering three members of the team were 22 and three were 23, we will leave it to the mathematicians amongst you to work out how old Woolbanger Sr. is.

Lewbangers 3 Lost Galacticos 0

2006-07-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers got their season off to a flyer as the cruised to a 3-0 win over Lost Galacticos.

The early exchanges saw Lewbangers dominate possession without creating many clear cut chances, though Braggbanger could have scored when he tried to lob the opposing keeper after being put through by Woolbanger. Bloombanger, stepping in goals for the AWOL Bobbanger, was left with little to do, other than sweep up, which he did excellently.

On ten minutes though, the deadlock was broken. Dombanger, played in by Woolbanger, brought the ball under control at the right hand edge of the box and finished to the near corner, in the blink of an eye.

Four minutes later, Woolbanger turned provider again, this time exchanging passes with Thombanger, who craftily chipped the oncoming goalkeeper. The scrambling defender could not keep it out.

Half time saw changes for Lewbangers. Goalscorer Thombanger became goalkeeper allowing Bloombanger to take up a midfield role. Woolbanger Senior was brought on to add experience to a young side not used to taking up leads.

The second half was much the same as the first, with Lewbangers passing it around nicely. Longbanger came to the fore, with two Beckenbauer-esque runs from the back, one of which saw him bring the ball out of defence, hold off a strong challenge, exchange passes with Woolbanger, and have a shot on goal. It warranted a goal, but it wasn't to be.

Inspirational skipper, Dombanger managed to grab a second midway through the second half, when Braggbanger played a kick-in to him 20 yards out and he dispatched smartly with the outside of his left foot.

Lewbangers could and should have scored more, with only the final ball quality being a problem for them. The covering play and composure on the ball from every player was top class. The challenge is now set as to whether Lewbangers can produce this level of performance week in-week out.

Squad: Bloombanger; Dombanger, Longbanger; Braggbanger, Thombanger; Woolbanger; Woolbanger Sr.

Goalscorers: Dombanger (2), Thombanger.

12/7/2006 vs Lost Galacticos - Lewbangers Team News

2006-07-11T11:55:00.000-07:00

Despite several injury scares and player holidays, Lewbangers are set to pick from a fully fit squad, aside from Peelbanger, who is staying in Hull in the hope of meeting celebrities with Tino.

Bloombanger, Braggbanger and Woolbanger have all shaken off ankle knocks in time for the opening match of the season. Longbanger has driven back from the Lake District to make himself available for selection.

The only decision for manager Woollin to make is whether to use a roll-on-roll-off substitution policy or not.

Lewbangers - Player Statistics

2006-07-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

League

Player ----------- Games Played ----------- Goals ----------- Assists

Bloombanger ---------8----------------------5-----------------5----

Bobbanger -----------0----------------------0-----------------0----

Braggbanger ---------8----------------------7-----------------6----

Dombanger ----------6----------------------3-----------------1----

Keithbanger ---------5----------------------0-------------------2---

Longbanger ----------8----------------------0-----------------3----

Martinbanger -------1----------------------5-----------------2-----

Peelbanger ----------0-----------------------0-----------------0----

Thombanger -------6-----------------------4-----------------2----

Woolbanger ---------6-----------------------5-----------------7----

Woolbanger Sr. ------6-----------------------4-----------------3---

Cup

Bloombanger -------1------------------------0-----------------0----

Braggbanger -------1------------------------0-----------------0----

Jonnobanger -------1------------------------2-----------------0----

Keithbanger -------1------------------------0-----------------0----

Longbanger -------2------------------------0-----------------2----

Martinbanger -----1------------------------2-----------------0----

Thombanger ------2-----------------------0-----------------0----

Woolbanger -------2-----------------------0-----------------0----

Woolbanger Sr. ---2-----------------------0-----------------0----

(Correct as of 20th September 2006)

Lewbangers - Fixtures & Results

2006-07-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

DATE ------ TIME --- OPPONENTS
12 July 2006 8:20pm Lost Galacticos
Result: WIN 3-0
Scorers: Dombanger (2), Thombanger

19 July 2006 7:40pm Outwood Rangers
Result: LOSS 3-4
Scorers: Woolbanger Sr., Bloombanger (2)

26 July 2006 7:00pm United FC
Result: WIN 5-2
Scorers: Braggbanger (2), Thombanger (2), Woolbanger Sr.

2 August 2006 7:40pm Lofthouse Rangers
Result: WIN 3-2
Scorers: Bloombanger (2), Dombanger

9 August 2006 7:40pm Six Hansom I.T's
Result: LOSS 3-4
Scorers: Woolbanger, Woolbanger Sr., Braggbanger.

16 August 2006 7:40pm MCD United
Result: WIN 3-2
Scorers: Braggbanger, Thombanger, Woolbanger Sr.

23 August 2006 7:40pm W.R.A. FC
Result: LOSS 3-4
Scorers: Woolbanger (3)

30 August 2006 8:20pm W.R.A. FC (League Cup 1)
Result: LOSS 0-3

6 September 2006 7:40pm MCD United (League Cup 2)
Postponed

13 September 2006 7:40pm The Fruit Bats (League Cup 3)
Result: LOSS 4-5
Scorers: Martinbanger (2), Jonnobanger (2)

20 September 2006 8:20pm Lost Galacticos
Result: WIN 10-3
Scorers: Martinbanger (5), Braggbanger (3), Bloombanger, Woolbanger

27 September 2006 7:40pm Outwood Rangers
Result:

4 October 2006 7:00pm United FC
Result:

11 October 2006 7:40pm Lofthouse Rangers
Result:

18 October 2006 7:40pm Six Hansom I.T's
Result:

25 October 2006 7:40pm MCD United
Result:

1 November 2006 7:40pm W.R.A. FC
Result:

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Please search the archive and go to the relevant date for corresponding match report.
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The Twelfth Day Of July - The Birth Of A Footballing Super Power?

2006-06-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

The start date of the Outwood Grange 6-a-side, Wednesday night league has been officially announced as the 12th July. The fixture list will be published on this website as soon as it is revealed.

Lewbangers will start life in Division 2, but hope this is temporary as they strive for promotion to the big league, Division 1.

New Boy Jets In

2006-06-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers have captured the signing of young Hull-based midfielder David Peel. Negotiations have been ongoing for a number of weeks with Peel and his agent, Fathead.

A seemingly straightforward transfer was made complicated when it became apparent that Peel would only be able to play a maximum of 4 games a season, due to travel issues. After careful consideration though, Lewbangers boss David Woollin decided to go ahead with the signing.

"If a player of Peelbanger's ability can only play 15 minutes this season, it will be more than worth it, with the quality he brings to the table." Woolbanger explained, shortly after the deal was clinched late Friday evening.

Peel became Peelbanger at 21:00 hours, Friday 23rd June, when Braggbanger handed him over his named jersey and wished him a happy 19th birthday in Bar Risa, Leeds. Peelbanger flew back to Hull shortly after, but will be back in West Yorkshire at some point during the season to show off his football skills.

Kirsty Is A Lewbangers Fan

2006-06-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

Every club has it's celebrity fans. Leeds United has Stefan Edberg, the Gallagher brothers follow Manchester City, whilst the Chuckle brothers support Rotherham United.

Lewbangers may just have the most beautiful celebrity fan of all though. Kirsty Crawford, the young singing sensation has pledged her allegiance to Lewbangers, and was even generous enough to pose for us in a replica shirt:

Isn't she lovely? Isn't she a doll?

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Check out Kirsty at http://www.kirstycrawford.com/ and be sure to see her perform at a Bar Risa or Walkabout near you.
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Lewbangers Exclusive - New Shirt Unveiled

2006-06-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

Your official Lewbangers website can today exclusively reveal the shirt the players will be wearing in the forthcoming season.

Midfield maestro and part-time model, Michael Thompson posed for us in these shots:

We are sure you will agree he looks a very smart and stylish young man.

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Replica jerseys are available from a stall in the White Rose Centre, Leeds for a bargain price of just £13 (or £16 with your favourite player's name and number.)
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Squad Numbers Announced

2006-06-22T17:53:00.000-07:00

This season's official Lewbangers squad numbers have been announced as follows:

2. Bloombanger
3. Longbanger
4. Thombanger
5. Woolbanger
6. Dombanger
7. Braggbanger
8. Peelbanger

Goalkeeper, Bobbanger has requested not to be given a number, citing superstition as his reason. Well, they do say you have to be mad to be a 'keeper.

Lewbangers Season Tickets - Summer/Autumn 2006

2006-06-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers are pleased to announce that season tickets for Lewbangers' inaugural season in the Outwood Grange Wednesday night 6-a-side league will be free of charge. Lewbangers hope this will encourage a fanatical following as they embark on what will hopefully be a successful future for the club.

In addition, any fans who want to attend from the Tingley, East Ardsley or Wrenthorpe areas may be able to get free transport, from and to the ground, subject to availability.

Lewbangers continue to train hard, with the new season now just two weeks away. The first match is on 28th June... we hope to see you there!

Player Profile - David Bloomfield

2006-06-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

David Bloomfield

D.O.B: 30/08/83
Nickname: Bloombanger / Bloomers / Bloggs
Occupation: Postman

Favourite Food: Pizza

Favourite Film: Meet The Parents

Favourite all time player: Eddie Gray

Favourite current player: Eddie ‘Lewbanger’ Lewis

Biggest Influence in life: Myself

Hobbies: Football, Music, Drinking

Amazing fact about yourself: The Bloomfield family previously owned the most famous Fish & Chip Shop in Yorkshire. No, not Harry Ramsdens – in fact it was PJ’s in East Ardsley.

Player Profile - David Peel

2006-06-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

David Peel

D.O.B: 23/06/1987
Nickname: Peelbanger / Peely / Tino / Duke
Occupation: Student

Favourite Food: Lamb

Favourite Film: Films are poo, just put Titanic, I've been made to watch that a couple of times.

Favourite all time player: Joao Pinto

Favourite current player: Michael Duberry

Biggest Influence in life: Lucas Radebe and Peter Levy

Hobbies: Stalking people of fame, and watching Neighbours

Amazing fact about yourself: I can pop my ear I don't think anyone else can.

Player Profile - Bobby Spiers

2006-06-11T17:34:00.000-07:00

Bobby Spiers
D.O.B: 07/08/84
Nickname: Bob-banger / Bob / Britney
Occupation: Car Sales Executive

Favourite Food: Pizza

Favourite Film: The Truman show

Favourite all time player: Eric Cantona

Favourite current player: Andrea Pirlo

Biggest Influence in life: Ian Woollin

Hobbies: Binge drinking

Amazing fact about yourself: When playing for Save Chip, Bobby was de-cegged in front of the woman’s 5 a side team – He never played for Save Chip again.

Player Profile - Chris Long

2006-06-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

Chris Long
D.O.B: 06/10/82
Nickname: Longbanger / Longy / Clong
Occupation: Replenishment and customer service assistant

Favourite Food: Lasagne and Chips with green peas, or Curry with pineapple in it

Favourite Film: The "Rocky" series and "Old School"

Favourite all time player: Gianfranco Zola

Favourite current player: Ronaldinho

Biggest Influence in life: No1 : BRYAN ADAMS and have to mention; No2: MR.D.ROBERTSHAW (Living Legend)

Hobbies: Football, Golf, Squash, General sports, collector of Bryan Adams memorabilia, Learning Guitar. I love to keep tropical fish, I have a 3ft Fish tank with some rare breeds living in it. Also I love dogs and have 2 Golden retrievers, one is a toddler and the other is still a puppy.

Amazing fact about yourself: I can eat a KFC mega bucket in 12minutes and not even batter an eye lid. I have been car Jacked and the B**tard still roams free, (no1 believed me untill i went to the cops and did a witness parade thing).

Player Profile - Michael Thompson

2006-06-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

Michael Thompson

D.O.B: 17/08/83
Nickname: Thomsbanger / Mike the Bike / Twig-master-flex
Occupation: Civil Servant

Favourite Food: Sausage Rolls & Yorkshire Puddings

Favourite Film: Dumb & Dumber

Favourite all time player: Anthony Yeboah

Favourite current player: Eddie ‘Lewbanger’ Lewis

Hobbies: Sitting down & doing nothing

Biggest Influence in life: Colin Chapman - he taught me the rhyme 'what do we do?, one two'

Amazing fact about yourself: Michael has been caught by police 3 times for public urination, and has managed to avoid a fine on every occasion.

Player Profile - Andrew Bragg

2006-06-09T15:04:00.000-07:00

Andrew Bragg

D.O.B: 13/07/83
Nickname: Braggbanger / Braggy / The Quiet Man of Rock 'n' Roll
Occupation: Internet Sales, Website Producer

Favourite Food: Grapes, Apples and Pepperamis

Favourite Film: Boyz n The Hood

Favourite all time player: Ronaldo

Favourite current player: Eddie 'Lewbanger' Lewis,

Biggest Influence in life: Morten Gamst Pedersen

Hobbies: Football, Sports betting, Hanging up on telesales executives, Researching people from my past on the internet.

Amazing fact about yourself: Andrew was once verbally assaulted by Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink after a controversial head-patting incident.

Player Profile - Dominic Stephenson

2006-06-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

Dominic Stephenson

D.O.B: 16/03/83
Nickname: Dombanger / Domaldinho / Dom Terry
Occupation: Builder

Favourite Food: Green Curry

Favourite Film: Football Factory

Favourite all time player: Bobby Moore

Favourite current player: John Terry

Biggest Influence in life: Ronald McDonald

Hobbies: Football, Eating & Drinking

Amazing fact about yourself: Between 19 & 21 years of age, Dom was involved in 3 serious car crashes, and has lived to tell the tale. He also claims to have a 12 Inch Penis.

Player Profile - David Woollin

2006-06-08T18:44:00.000-07:00

David Woollin

D.O.B: 28//02/83
Nickname: Woolbanger / Wooly
Occupation: Insurance Broker

Favourite Food: Pineapple

Favourite Film: Ali G in da House

Favourite all time player: Anthony Yeboah

Favourite current player: Eddie ‘Lewbanger’ Lewis

Biggest Influence in life: Bob Bradshaw

Hobbies: Playing Football Manager, harassing minor celebrities.

Amazing fact about yourself: David has played football with many local legends including John McClelland & Tunji Jerome.

Lewbangers - History

2006-06-07T16:57:00.000-07:00

Lewbangers have risen from the ashes of Save Chip, the 5-a-side team who strutted their stuff in the Wednesday Night League, at South Leeds Stadium, between the years of 2001 and 2004.

Each of the individuals who were to make up Save Chip attended a weekly, Monday night soccer session called Fitness for Football at South Leeds Stadium. One wet, gloomy Leeds night saw the aging Colin Chapman suggest that a 5-a-side team should be started. The youngsters he asked jumped at the idea. The opportunity to play alongside Chapman was too much to pass away for the other members.

Save Chip formed in the early Spring of 2001. The regular members of the squad were: Colin Chapman, Dominic Stephenson, David Woollin, David Bloomfield, Chris Long, Michael Thompson, Andrew Bragg and Bobby Spiers.

The first night of action for Save Chip saw them battle the elements as they had to play through a torrential downpour of hailstones. They say bad conditions are a leveller. Save Chip lost 20-1. It does not bear thinking about what the score would have been without the adverse weather conditions.

Save Chip played six seasons in total on Wednesday evenings and quite remarkably never finished bottom of the league. Save Chip always finished between mid-table and 2nd bottom.

The Chip did not pull up any trees with their overall results, but there were many highlights of the era.

David Woollin scored all 7 goals in a 7-6 win over a team with yellow kits on.
Chris Long had an apology for a bad tackle turned down, so he asked a member of the opposition, "What do you want me to do, suck his dick?"
Dominic Stephenson, playing as goalkeeper, was left rolling on the floor in agony with a testicles injury, as the unsporting striker for Castlemaine put the ball in the net.
David Bloomfield managed to defy physics by bending in a goal around the goalkeeper with his left foot.
Colin Chapman was karate kicked by his adopted son, who was playing for the opposition.
Andrew Bragg was warned about his conduct by the referee when he lashed out at a persistent ankle-tapper on the opposition side.
Michael Thompson man-marked the massive Castlemaine striker.

Unfortunately though, all good things have to come to an end, and in the summer of 2004, Save Chip dismantled. Many reasons have been cited. Was it Chapman's refusal to wear the team jersey in favour of his own France shirt? Was a break needed? Did Thompson's off-field antics take their toll on the rest of the squad? The truth is, no-one will ever know.

Anyhow, to the future, and namely Lewbangers. Lewbangers will comprise of Bobby Spiers, Dominic Stephenson, David Woollin, Michael Thompson, Chris Long, David Bloomfield and Andrew Bragg. They will participate in the Outwood Grange, 6-a-side football league, every Wednesday evening.

Read all about their trials and tribulations on this webpage.