Lewbangers 10 Lost Galacticos 3

Lewbangers came out of a game played in darkness with an emphatic 10-3 victory last night. Bottom team Lost Galacticos clearly hadn't eaten as many carrots before the game that was not played under floodlights due to protests from local residents.

The lack of light made it hard for anyone to see what was happening, but after discussion between team members, here is a rundown of the goals, we think:

• Braggbanger scored with a low deflected drive from the left after a kick-in by Woolbanger.
• Martinbanger struck after a quick free kick by Woolbanger.
• Braggbanger fired to the left-hand post with a first time strike after being played in neatly by Martinbanger from the right side.
• Martinbanger pounced at the the far post after a Dombanger shot which was just going wide.
• Martinbanger finished after being played down the right side by Woolbanger.
• Braggbanger beared down on goal after a defensive error to slot under the keeper.
• Bloombanger struck from 70 yards after a quick corner by Braggbanger.
• Woolbanger scored after a one-two with Martinbanger.
• Longbanger set Martinbanger up to strike.
• Martinbanger pounced on poor defending to finish.

Other notable happenings include:

• Woolbanger Sr. missing out after pulling a thigh in training the previous night.
• Thombanger being left out for not turning up in official club gear.
• Longbanger's expenses doubling after being charged £4 for a lift to the game.
• Braggbanger keeping a clean sheet despite an onslaught on his goal in the final quarter of the game. Rumours he was just stood talking to Woolbanger Sr. and Thombanger are wide of the mark.

Squad: Bloombanger, Longbanger, Dombanger, Braggbanger, Woolbanger, Martinbanger.

Goalscorers: Martinbanger (5), Braggbanger (3), Bloombanger, Woolbanger.

Lewbangers 10 Lost Galacticos 3

Lewbangers got the second half of their campaign off to a flyer with a crushing 10-3 win over bottom club Lost Galacticos.

There is still some debate over the scoreline, scorers and assisters, so a full report will hopefully follow tomorrow.

The statistics and results pages will also be updated fully as soon as confirmation of the above is in.

Cup Round-Up

Lewbangers have been knocked out in the group stages of the cup.

After the 3-0 loss in the first game against W.R.A. FC, the six-pointer between Lewbangers and MCD United never took place due to a mix-up regarding kick off time. The third game saw Lewbangers draft Martinbanger and Jonnobanger in as they looked to keep their cup dream alive.

Unfortunately, they could only manage a 5-4 loss against top division side, Fruit Bats. Jonnobanger and Martinbanger each claimed two goals, with Longbanger getting two assists. The other two assists are still up for grabs.

6/9/2006 vs MCD United - Lewbangers Team News

Though the Lewbangers squad remains the same as last week, a question mark hangs over player/boss Woolbanger's participation. A foot injury looks likely to mean he will appear as goalkeeper. If so, Keithbanger will start his first match in defence.

Skipper, Dombanger again misses out as he continues his vacation in Thailand.

Lewbangers 0 W.R.A. FC 3 (Cup Game 1)

Lewbangers crashed to a 3-0 defeat in the first group game of the cup. The less said about it the better, mainly as the reporter can't remember what happened.

Two group matches remain, starting with MCD United tomorrow evening. Only a win gives Lewbangers a chance of progressing to the knockout stages.

Kick Off Time Change

Lewbangers fans should take note that the cup clash with W.R.A. FC kicks off at 6:30pm tomorrow evening, and not 8:20pm as previously stated.

Tickets are priced at a reasonable no pounds, and spectators can expect to see Woolbanger Sr. take his place back in the squad after a one week absence.

Lewbangers 3 W.R.A. FC 4

Lewbangers lost to league leaders W.R.A. FC despite holding a 3-1 advantage with less than 10 minutes to go. Woolbanger bagged a hat-trick to get back on the goal trail in style, but unfortunately this wasn't enough to stave off defeat.

Both teams had nice passages of play during the opening ten minutes, but neither side could open the scoring. Lewbangers best chance was curled just wide by Braggbanger after he had been involved in neat interplay with Woolbanger and Longbanger.

The deadlock was broken on 12 minutes when Thombanger made a surging run from the back before switching play to Woolbanger on the left, who promptly finished to the right corner.

It was not long before Woolbanger grabbed his second. Keithbanger played a direct ball from goal towards him and when little seemed on other than for Woolbanger to win a throw-in at best, he sharply cut inside and aimed a shot at goal which the W.R.A keeper couldn't keep out.

With a 2-0 lead at half time and Thombanger and Bloombanger defending stoutly, no changes seemed necessary. Lewbangers were this week on the receiving end of a goal straight after the interval, after scoring one themselves last week. At 2-1, things looked more precarious.

Five minutes later though, it did appear that Lewbangers had sewn the game up when Longbanger marvellously found Woolbanger, who again dispatched with confidence.

With the security of a two-goal lead and less than ten minutes to go, Lewbangers mysteriously stopped doing everything they had been doing well for the 25 minutes previous. Possession was surrended needlessly on countless occasions and their marking went haywire. The result was three sloppy goals being conceded and Lewbangers snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

As always positives and negatives could be taken from the performance. Woolbanger's finishing was clinical and will hopefully lead to him going on a scoring spree that will gain him the inaugural Lewbangers Golden Boot award. Thombanger and Bloombanger's defensive performance in the first half was excellent. Both players stayed in position and stood up strong to the pressure that came their way. Longbanger gave his best performance of the season so far and won the ball before W.R.A. FC could get into the final third on numerous occasions.

The major criticism is of course the surrender of a two goal advantage. Possession was all that was needed, but at times the ball retention was woeful. The marking also became haphazard, but rather than this being down to a lack of willing, it was more to do with little communication in defensive areas.

W.R.A. FC are again the opponents next week, so we shall see if Lewbangers take the positives on and eradicate their errors. We shall see, Lewbangers fans, we shall see.

Squad: Keithbanger; Bloombanger, Thombanger; Braggbanger, Longbanger; Woolbanger.

Goalscorers: Woolbanger (3)

Thombanger May Face Disciplinary Panel

Lewbangers midfielder, Thombanger may have to face a Champion Soccer disciplinary panel after he lost one of their footballs during the 'Bangers' midweek clash with MCD United.

Thombanger fired a shot way over the crossbar during the second half of Wednesday's match. The perimeter fencing could not stop the ball either, and so it went missing. MCD United were not happy as flat balls had to be used for the remainder of the game.

Whilst it is unlikely that any inquiry will bring about punishment for Thombanger, it could lead to the reintroduction of the 'no above head height' rule, which was tested for rounds 3 and 4 of the season.

Lewbangers 3 MCD United 2

It was a classic game of two halves as Lewbangers got back to winning ways after a blip last week. The 'Bangers bounced back from a two goal deficit to take the three points with 3-2 victory, sealed with a late Woolbanger Sr. strike.

Lewbangers failed to get going at all in the first half and soon paid for their decision to not bother with a defence, and deservedly went 1-0 down within 5 minutes. Lewbangers were lucky to be only 2-0 down at half time such was the lethargy of their performance. MCD United scored their second shortly before half time, when a midfielder broke free and managed to scoop the ball over the oncoming Keithbanger into the net.

Some members of the biggest crowd of the season did think Lewbangers had made it 1-1 midway through the first half when Woolbanger went through, curled to the ball round the keeper, only to see it come back off the inside of the post.

Half time saw the weekly arrival of Woolbanger Sr. With him he brought his ideas for how the game could be won in the second half. Keithbanger came out of the goal and shored up the defence, whilst Woolbanger moved in between the sticks, allowing his father to lead the line.

It wasn't long before the changes paid dividends. Within a minute of the second half, Keithbanger had passed to Braggbanger on the halfway line, allowing to break past a couple of players and curl past the keeper to the right hand post. 2-1 and game back on.

Lewbangers had managed to take charge of possession, and were in the ascendancy without creating many clear-cut chances. This is where it pays to have clinical finishers like Thombanger. Bloombanger had crossed in from the right and when Woolbanger Sr. left it for him to strike, Thombanger finished to the near post.

Longbanger came back into the action, and between him and Keithbanger it seemed probable that MCD United wouldn't break through to take victory. Woolbanger was forced into one excellent save though.

With the game seemingly heading for a draw, and a decent draw at that considering the first half display, Woolbanger Sr. popped up to get his fourth of the season when he got on the end of a Bloombanger pass across goal, after Longbanger had helped open up play with an off-the-ball run.

Lewbangers now find themselves firmly placed in the top half of the table and though many lessons will have to be learned from this week, it bodes well for the remainder of the season. Lewbangers will be hoping it is true that it is a sign of the greats, when a team wins without excelling.

Squad: Keithbanger; Thombanger, Bloombanger; Longbanger, Braggbanger; Woolbanger; Woolbanger Sr.

Goalscorers: Braggbanger, Thombanger, Woolbanger Sr.

16/8/2006 vs MCD United - Lewbangers Team News

Lewbangers go into round six of the season without defender, Dombanger. The skipper will be missing for 5 weeks as he has gone to live in Thailand.

The rest of the squad will be the same as last week. The key question for manager Woolbanger is who to put in defence as replacement for Dombanger.